Bad Recipe Roundup

I admit that I am a sucker for cookbooks. I love to flip through them, page by page, carefully reading each recipe. I am in love with my current cookbook for a totally different reason. The recipes are miserable. If you didn't read the last two posts, this one should make up for the fact that you didn't care enough to read them. ...And here's a picture of some gross food to kick things off.
I don't know what I am looking at here. That's a lot of brown, whatever it is. Forward, march!

Earlean's Swedish Meatballs

1 (16 oz.) jar grape jelly
1 (16 oz.) bottle Kraft barbeque sauce
2 lb. ground chuck
2 pkg. hamburger seasoning
2 eggs
salt and pepper to taste

Mix jelly and barbeque sauce together in pan; place on low heat until jelly dissolves. Mix ground chuck, seasoning, eggs, salt, and pepper together. Make small balls and cook in 375 degree oven for approximately 1 hour. Drain; place meatballs in barbeque sauce-grape jelly mixture. Simmer for 45 minutes.

Willie Parker, Huntsville Council
Calling All Cooks Two, pg. 20

This is beautiful. I see a single-wide decked out in old Christmas garland, with a plastic snowman and an inflatable Santa in the yard. I hear Sandy in the kitchen saying under her breath, "Dammit, I just dropped ashes in the meatballs." She quietly scoops them out and thinks to herself, They won't never know it.

The name of the recipe is Earlean's Swedish Meatballs. Let that simmer for a bit. Earlean is not Swedish. Neither are her meatballs. Add to it that she thinks Kraft "barbeque" sauce is fit to put onto anything edible and it's win-win for me. The first time I read this recipe, I saw the richness in it. ...and I have to guiltily admit that meatballs in barbecue sauce and grape jelly, while not Swedish, are pretty darn good. ....moving on. *cough*

Polecat Mash

1 can cheap sardines (packed in oil)
1 Tbsp. mustard
2 Tbsp. catsup
1/2 tsp. Tabasco
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
2 Tbsp. sweet relish
Juice of 1/2 lemon

Mash sardines. Add all other ingredients. Mix well. Serve on crackers.

Don't knock it till you try it. It's good.

Teresa Elkouie, Birmingham East Council
Calling All Cooks Two, pg. 24

I have no words. Next.

Oh, and for the record, these are all as written in the book. I never add anything to them or change the spelling. Yes, "Don't knock it till you try it. It's good." was really part of the recipe. Pardon me while I go vomit.

Wild Wieners
(Appetizer)

1 (14 oz.) bottle catsup
1 c. Wild Turkey liqueur
2 lb. miniature cocktail franks

Combine catsup and liqueur in a large skillet. Simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes. Add cocktail franks. Continue simmering for 15 more minutes. Serve in chafing dish. Makes delicious easy appetizer!

Dean Gidley, Birmingham Central Council
Calling All Cooks Two, pg. 30

I'm done. See you guys later. I think I over-did it. Ugh... Ew, vurps are nasty, by the way.