Appetizers... or not.

Chinese Chicken Wings

50 wings (cut off tips)
1 tsp. dry mustard
1 tsp. Accent
1 Tbsp. molasses (overflowing)
1/2 c. soy sauce
1/3 c. salad oil
1/8 tsp. garlic powder
1 chopped medium onion

Mix all ingredients together and cover in refrigerator 7 to 8 hours to marinate. Turn over once or twice. Place on cookie sheet and bake 1 hour at 350 F in a shallow pan. (Try 40 minutes.)

Bonnie Summers, Huntsville Council, pg. 9

I know, I know.. this one doesn't sound so bad. Maybe it isn't. My beef with it is that the second you throw in soy sauce, it automatically morphs into a Chinese dish. I'm sure Grannies all over China use Accent and garlic powder in the sticky, molasses-coated wings they eat every night. Can ya'll do me a favor? Could ya stop calling things like this Chinese food?

----------------------------

Great Nachos

1 pkg. Doritos
1 can chili with beans
1 can chili without beans
2 c. shredded cheese

Layer Doritos, chili and cheese on large plate. Microwave 7 minutes on high or bake in 350 F oven 30-40 minutes.

Pati Cheney, Birmingham East Council, pg 21

Pati, what the Hell? You microwave your nachos? Ok.. not even nachos, this is bachelor slop. Mind you, I'd probably eat it if there was enough beer involved. But.. microwave? Punkin.. this ain't great. It's not even good. It's barely edible. Like someone told me yesterday, "You're doing it all wrong." If you want to eat orange, flaccid, slimy triangles covered in goop, go right ahead. I'll heat the chili first, put it in a bowl, top it with cheese, then scoop it out with the Doritos. Crispy chips, not nearly as messy, and every chip gets a dip. It's not rocket surgery, Pati.

----------------------------------

Tuna Pate

1 (8 oz.) pkg. softened cream cheese
2 Tbsp. chili sauce
2 Tbsp. parsley
1/2 tsp. Tabasco sauce
2 (6 1/2 oz.) cans tuna, drained
1 tsp. minced onion

Pack into a 4 cup mold and chill at least 3 hours. Unmold. Serve with crackers.

Debbie Tucker, Birmingham East Council, pg 29

I... what do I do with all of these ingredients, again? Can ya help me out, Debbie? You don't tell me what to do with this stuff, but you expect me to cram it into a mold and then flop it out onto a serving tray with crackers? I need help, woman! The future of tuna molds everywhere depends upon your guidance! You know what, keep it to yourself, Debbie. I think we'll all be just fine.